RAW IS JERICHO!

Raw Opening: Triple H, The Rock, and Brock Lesnar

We start with video from moments ago, when Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar came down the aisle to find their seats, which (surprise surprise) are front row. And to add insult to injury, Lesnar shows off his Hulkamania shirt.

The Raw music video plays, the pyros explode, and we are LIVE from Seattle, Washington! In the back, Bischoff yells at the security people to throw Heyman and Lesnar out if they make even the slightest comotion.

In the arena, Triple H comes down the ramp, showing off his summer casual wardrobe, wearing a golf shirt and some slacks. He has heard people say how upset and disappointed in him they were, after he attacked his best friend Shawn Michaels. To set the record straight: they were never best friends. He used Shawn to get to the top, just like Shawn used him to stay at the top. All of this is just a business, and the fact is that he is a businessman. Triple H has held more Titles, headlined more PPVs, and sold out more arenas than Shawn could in his best days. He is better than Shawn was in his prime.

He heard everyone erupt when they came out as DX three weeks ago, and that's why he did it. It's those same cheers that have eaten away at him, made him soft and weak to the point where he could be beaten by a piece of crap like Hogan. The reality is: the fans used Triple H. He gave them a little bit of himself, and they ate it up. Everyday he gave more of himself, and everyday he became weaker.

That's why today, it all stops. If you're pissed off, it's because he's telling the truth. Just like he told Shawn the truth: he's coming to SummerSlam not to win, not to fight, but to maim Shawn Michaels. He has ended careers in this ring, and Shawn's will be no different. Shawn wants to show his son how to be a man? Well when this is all done, Shawn can pick up his son, put him in his lap in the wheelchair, and point at Triple H.

The Rock's music hits, and the Undisputed Champion comes out on stage. At last, he has returned to Seattle. Rock begins to walk down the ramp, asking if Lesnar wants to come here and play mindgames with his big fat walrus cheerleader? Brock may have a front row ticket, but he also has a ticket for a Brahma Bull Asswhoopin. And that ticket isn't for yesterday, it's for tonight!

Triple H interjects, and asks who the hell Rock thinks he is. Rock says that he's the guy that will tie up his shoes and whoop some ass if he keeps getting interrupted. But The Rock is the most electrifying man is sports and entertainment, the Brahma Bull, the People's Champ. And he's one thing Triple H isn't: Undisputed Champion, bitch.

Trips says that Rock forgot one important thing. If he does lace up his shoes and come in the ring, he's going to be the guy that gets his ass kicked. With this, Rock steps into the ring.

Does Triple H want to go? Triple H vs. The Rock one more time? Trips would love to go. Well then go get the Rock a sandwich, because this doesn't concern him.

Trips attacks Rock and gets floored, prompting Lesnar to jump the railing and get on the apron. Rock turns his attentions to Lesnar, allowing Triple H to regain himself and Pedigree the Rock. As Rock lays in the ring, Triple H backs up the ramp and Lesnar leaves the arena. Fade Out.

Trish & Spike vs. Molly & Nowinski
We come back with Rock in Bischoff's office. Bischoff tells him that Lesnar and Heyman have already left. Rock says that if that's the case, then he wants Triple H. Bischoff says that's a PPV quality match and he doesn't want to do it, but Rock convinces him to think long and hard about it.
In the arena, Trish Stratus comes out for an intergender tag match, but before anyone else can enter, she asks Fink for the mic. She says she has something for him, and with that, slaps Howard out of the ring. That, she says, was for Lillian.
As Spike comes out, we get video of earlier today when Nowinski asked why Spike was never able to "finish the job" with Molly. Spike walks off and Nowinski tells a worker that Molly will soon be his vale-dic-torian. Let's give it up for the writers, folks.
Spike and Nowinski start off, with Nowinski clubbing Sp;ike down then giving him a couple vertical suplexes and a back suplex. Tag to Molly who pins 1-2-kickout.
Molly slaps Spike, so Spike pulls her down and slingshots her into Nowinski. Tag to Trish, who dropkicks Molly down. Chops by Trish. Molly reverses a whip and sends Trish flying into a Nowinski big boot. Molly pulls Trish down and pins 1-2-shoulder up. Tag to Nowinski.
Nowinski pulls Trish from tagging Spike and scoop slams Trish. Again Nowinski picks Trish up, but this time Trish floats over and hits the Stratusfaction! Tag to Spike.
Spike comes in with a few dropkicks, but Nowinski catches Spike and puts him on the top. Spike punches Nowinski off and then jumps onto him 1-2-broken by Molly.
Spike grabs Molly and throws her into a kicking Trish. Trish and Molly battle outside, but in the ring, Nowinski counters the Acid Drop and hits a double underhook reverse DDT 1-2-3! Fade Out.
Goldust, RVD, and the Hardys Meet With Bischoff; Finkle Issues A Statement

As we come back, JR and King discuss the recent victims of the Island Boys. King says that Lillian's injuries are on account of Finkle, and as such, we should call him Howard the Coward.
In the back, Goldust approaches Bischoff and says that if Booker can beat Lance Storm tonight, how about they get a Tag Title Shot at SummerSlam. Bischoff agrees, but soon finds his leg humped ferociously by Mini-Dust.
In the arena, Finkle lets us all know that he is the head ring announcer for Raw. He was the first employee and nobody has done the job better than he has. But he has to offer an appology to Lillian. He is truly sorry... that she didn't get what's coming to her earlier! Every since she came, he had to swallow his pride, but that's better than what Lillian had to swallow to get her job.
BOOM! The fires of hell explode, and the arena turns red as we are treated to the Kane "The Fire Still Burns" video, causing Finkle to tremble in fear.
In the back, Bischoff is talking with RVD and the Hardys. Bischoff says that RVD is going to get his Intercontinental Title shot at SummerSlam that was guaranteed to him. Matt says that since RVD lost the Title, he wants a shot. Bischoff says that RVD was guaranteed the shot, so Matt asks for a shot at the guaranteed shot. Bischoff says he could just as easily give it to Jeff. So he flips a coin and claims that Jeff won, so Jeff will face RVD for an IC Titleshot at SummerSlam. Fade Out.

Booker T vs. Lance Storm

The Tag Team Champions, Lance Storm and Christian of the UnAmericans come out, flying the upside-down flag. Booker T comes out, accompanied by Goldust and Mini-Dust.
Booker wrenches Storm's arm, but Storm pushes him int othe corner and thrusts the shoulder. Punches by Storm, but Booker catches him with a hiptoss and a clothesline. Scoop slam by Booker, but he misses the calf kick and ends up straddled on the ropes. Chops by Storm, then a jumping calf kick of his own 1-2-shoulder up.
Booker fights back with chops in the corner, then a twisting sunset flip 1-2-kickout. Storm comes back with mounted punches and a stalled vertical suplex 1-2-kickout.
Storm applies a chin lock, but Booker, using the USA chants for power, regains his footing and nails Storm with a diving elbow. Knockdown punches by Booker, then a dropkick and a flapjack. Booker hits the Spinaroonie and goes for the scissors kick, but Christian pulls him down. Storm rolls him up 1-2-kickout, sending Storm into a Goldust punch. Christian attacks Goldust, allowing Booker to hit the scissors kick 1-2-3!
As soon as the bell rings, Test hits the ring and starts beating Booker down. Goldust tries to help but they are outnumbered until The Undertaker hits the ring and clears house. Fade Out.

Mini-Dust's Three Minutes Are Up; Bischoff Reveals the Main Event and his Newest Acquisition

As we come back, Bischoff is talking to Mini-Dust in the ring. He says he has an announcement that concerns his friends. Tonight's Raw will see a huge main event: an eight-man tag. It will be the UnAmericans and Triple H against Goldust, Booker T, The Undertaker, and The Rock!
That's why Raw will always be the superior program, because the people get what they want. And the people want Mini-Dust. He tells Mini-Dust to entertain the fans, doing cartwheels and a poor Spinaroonie. Bischoff says that Mini-Dust quit entertaining him three minutes ago.
The Island Boys hit the ring and stand opposite him, then run towards each other, sandwiching the poor midget. Then they each grab the hands and legs, lift Mini-Dust up and then violently slam him back down to the mat. Finally, one goes up to the top rope with Mini-Dust over his shoulder and hits a Super Powerslam. Bischoff says that they are out of control and should go to their rooms, leaving poor Mini-Dust motionless in the ring.
As Bischoff reaches the top of the ramp, he says he has the real entertainment. Let him introduce his newest acquisition: Stacy Kiebler! Stacy comes out on the stage and quickly strips off her skirt, revealing some bright red panties. King calls her over and she begins dancing on top of the announce table. Fade Out.

Chris Jericho & The Big Show vs. BuhBuh Dudley & Ric Flair

Jericho and Flair start off, with Flair drop toeholding Jericho into the mat, then hitting a hiptoss. Jericho backs Flair into the corner and starts chopping away on Flair in some sort of irony. Back bodydrop by Jericho, but he misses the elbow drop follow. Back elbow by Jericho, then a chop by Flair. Tag to BuhBuh.
Clothesline by Dudley, but he runs into and then over the turnbuckle in an attempted splash. Tag to Big Show who pulls BuhBuh in the ring and starts pounding on him in the corner. Show whips BuhBuh from corner to corner, then hitting a powerslam after Flair makes a blind tag.
Flair goes up top, but Show press slams him off the top, then press slams him again. Chops by Show, then a vertical suplex. Tag to Jericho. Show holds Flair while Jericho mocks him and punches him, finally clotheslining him down. Elbow drop after elbow drop by Jericho 1-2-broken by BuhBuh.
Jericho chokes Flair on the ropes, but misses the running leg, straddling the ropes. Tag to BuhBuh who comes in and back bodydrops Jericho, then hits a splash in the corner. BuhBuh ducks a Show clothesline, causing Show to nail Jericho. BuhBuh pushes Show off the apron and pins 1-2-shoulder up.
Show and Flair come in, and Show press slams Flair for the third time. Show picks up BuhBuh, but he floats over and pushes Show out of the ring. Flapjack to Jericho 1-2-shoulder up.
BuhBuh starts in with a flurry of punches and an elbow to the face. BuhBuh calls for himself to get the tables, but turns around into a chokeslam from Big Show. Flair tries to attack Show outside, while inside, Jericho looks for the Lionsault, but BuhBuh gets his knees up in time.
Show whips Flair into the barrier, but Flair flips Show over that same barrier. Meanwhile in the ring, Jericho low blows BuhBuh and locks on the Walls, causing BuhBuh to tap out!
After causing BuhBuh to tap out, Jericho begins to attack Flair, but the Nature Boy takes Jericho down and pulls his pants off. He starts to apply the Figure Four, but Show emerges on the apron, causing Flair to leave the ring, but happy with what he has done. Fade Out.

Quick Jericho Interview

In the back, Jericho says that, in addition to his band Fozzy playing at next week's Raw, he wants to show how talented he is by kicking the absolute hell out of Ric Flair at SummerSlam. He will show to everyone that he is the King of the World.
We get a highlight video of the greatness that is the Heartbreak Kid. Fade Out.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Steven Richards (Singapore Cane vs. Steel Chair Hardcore Title Match)

The two men start by hitting each other's weapons against each other. Dreamer knocks the chair from Richards and nails him iwh the cane. After a short battle outside, Dreamer hits Stevie with a neckbreaker then gets a chair. But as Tommy gets the chair, Stevie picks up the cane and nails him in the knee with it. Stevie sets up the chair and drops Tommy knee-first onto it. He sets Tommy's leg on the ropes and nails it with the cane. Stevie runs, but catches the pole for his bronco buster. Spinebuster by Tommy 1-2-kickout.
Tommy picks Stevie up, but his leg gives out, allowing Richards to hit the Steviekick. Stevie nails Tommy with the chair then goes up top, but Tommy pulls him down and locks him into the Tree of Woe. Tommy sets the chair in front of Stevie's face and dropkicks it just like the old days. He looks for the Dreamer DDT on the chair, but Stevie pushes him down 1-2-kickout. Tommy picks up Stevie's chair and delivers a finishing blow 1-2-3! Dreamer retains the Title. Fade Out.

Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy (#1 IC Title Contender)

Jeff quickly blocks a monkey flip and hits a double legdrop and gets a two count. RVD goes second rope for a spin kick and he gets a two count.
Jeff ducks an enziguri and hits a step-over mulekick that sends RVD to the outside. On the outside, Jeff runs the rails, but RVD trips him up and causes him to fall off. He sets Jeff on the rail and hits a spinning legdrop from the apron. Back in the ring, RVD goes up top and hits a flying kick, then Rolling Thunder 1-2-kickout.
RVD applies a headscissors on the mat, but Jeff twists out of the submission and hits Whisper in the Wind 1-2-shoulder up. RVD starts kicking away, but Jeff catches him with a planting DDT. Jeff crawls up top, allowing RVD to recover and 'buckle him. Van Dam goes up with him, but Jeff pushes him off and into the referee. Jeff leaps for the Swanton, but Van Dam rolls out of the way.
With all three men out of it, Matt Hardy comes into the ring, helps his brother up, and then hits him with the Twist of Fate! Van Dam goes up top and hits the Five Star 1-2-3! Fade Out.

UnAmericans Interview; Bischoff and Kevin Dunn

In the back, Terri asks the UnAmericans about having to defend the Titles against Booker T and Goldust. Christian says it turns their stomachs to see jive-talkers and freaks become the role models for children. It just shows why they are the United States of Embarassment. Test says that he talked to Bischoff and he gets Undertaker at SummerSlam. Finally, Storm says that they're happy to get their SummerSlam opponents, but tonight they also get to take on The Rock. And just like The Rock, America's establishments will crumble.
Outside, Bischoff storms into the production truck and confronts God of Visuals Kevin Dunn. He demands to know why he played a SmackDown promo, but Dunn says they didn't air it. It was a paid commercial advertising their main event. Bischoff says that if they want to advertise a main event, they should try next week's Raw, when the Main Event will be The Rock vs. Triple H! Fade Out.

Goldust and Christian start off, with an exchange of corner punches. Thump by Goldust 1-2-shoulder up. Tag to Storm. Goldust hits an armdrag and tags in Booker T.
Chops by Booker T, then stomps and punches. Reverse thrust kick by Booker, then another 1-2-shoulder up. Tag to The Rock.
Rock lays in with punch after punch, then tosses Storm over the ropes. Rock calls for Triple H to come in, but Storm comes in and attacks Rock from behind. Boot choke by Storm, but Rock comes back with a DDT.
Rock knocks Test off the apron and pulls Triple H in, but Christian clotheslines him down. The Game starts laying into The Rock, and then Test pulls him down. Tag to Christian. Overhead throw by Rock. Tag to Booker T.
Christian pokes Booker in the eyes and backs him into the ropes, where Storm chokes him. Clubs to the back by Christian. Tag to Storm. Storm punches away, but Booker catches him with a spinning heel kick. Booker knocks Christian off the apron, but turns into Lance's Superkick. Tag to Test.
Test elbows Booker in the corner, the hits a flurry of kicks and a clothesline 1-2-broken by Goldust. Tag to Triple H. Booker gets in a punch, but Trips knees him and snapmares him, laying in a blatant choke. Vertical suplex by Triple H 1-2-broken by the Undertaker. Tag to Christian.
Snapmare by Christian, into a sleeper. Booker uses the fans to regain his strength, get to his feet and break the hold, but as soon as he's out, Christian catches him with a dropkick. Tag to Test.
Test comes in and goes back to the sleeper hold, picking up where Christian left off. Again Booker gets to his feet and breaks the hold, but this time runs into a tilt-a-whirl slam 1-2-broken by Rock and Taker. Tag to Triple H.
The Game picks up with the sleeper hold, bringing Booker to his knees. Booker's arm falls once, twice, thr--no! Booker breaks the hold, but this time runs into a knee. Booker comes back up and hits Triple H with a jumping calf kick, and both men go down. Tag to Taker and Test.
Punches by Taker, then a Big Boot. He knocks Storm down, then Christian off the apron. Splash in the corner to Test, then to Storm, then to Test again. He catches Storm with a choke, then Christian as well, but Triple H knees him in the back.
All hell breaks loose, with Goldust, Storm, Rock, and CHristian all battling on the outside, while inside Triple H and Test double team on Test, with Booker T still recovering. Low blow to Taker, but Booker catches Test with a jumping calf kick. Triple H grabs Taker, but Rock breaks it up. Rock now lays into Triple H, knocking him out of the ring. Test runs back in, only to be greeted with a Rock Bottom 1-2-Triple H pulls Rock out of the ring.
While Rock and Trips battle outside, in the ring, Taker chokeslams Storm and looks for the Last Ride on Christian. He lifts Christian up, but as he does, Test comes in and nails him with the Big Boot 1-2-3! Test pulls off the upset, and the UnAmericans celebrate their taking down of the American Badass. End Show.